AUTHOR OF MY OWN MISFORTUNE ?

Hey y’all!.. I don’t even know how to start anymore! Damn.. I’ve been away for a little too long. This is the part where I make excuses and say “I’ve been über busy” but in all honesty its more so I’ve been über lazy. However I’m back with a very interesting personal story. 

 T’was the day of the grammys, I had been anticipating it for a while, just cause I love most things music-related. I was actually sleeping before it started but I had set my alarm to wake me up like 10 mins before the red carpet, so I could watch and keep up with everything live. Anyway so yea, I woke up, went downstairs (so I could watch it on the bigger tv) with my “equipments” (laptop, phone etc.)… Long story short my mum came down, first complaint, it’s too loud, fine, I reduced the volume. Second complaint… honestly I don’t remember, but it was something petty. There were third and fourth and I think fifth complaints as well. But I took them all in good faith. I knew she was trying to get me to go watch it elsewhere because she wanted to watch Amanpour on CNN. And I was like this is the one time, or in factual terms one of the few times I come down to watch the “communal” television. Why can’t I watch in peace (p.s these were thoughts, communicating those thoughts in that manner may have earned me a slap or two so they remained thoughts). Anyway she just kept complaining about irrelevant things to get under my skin. Eventually she did what she had originally intended to do, put off the television, so I would leave. Actually now that I think about it, I could actually have just taken the cue earlier and just relocated, but the activist in me won’t let me stand up and go. Anyway after she turned off the tv I started to murmur, but at the same time packing up my stuff and moving, then just as I was on the third or fourth step of the staircase, going up to continue my viewing of the show, she threw a low blow, very sly comment, a little too deep considering the situation at hand was just a tv show, and a little unnecessary seeing as she had already gotten what she wanted, lo the Kanye in me burst forth, I just had to speak lol, so I made a comment, which in hindsight could have been done without, it wasn’t directly rude, it was more so subliminal I didn’t even think she’ll catch it, but she did, and by the time she had, and had gathered enough momentum, you know, the “oh hell nawww” moment, I had ran to my room, shut the door, windows , everything, shielded myself from attack. Anyway I knew I had declared war. In short, she was really angry, and you know, the issue escalated way way out of proportion. An issue that could have easily been avoided. 

 That’s just one of the very many “my mother & I” stories. I can’t really say it’s a love-hate relationship but it sort of is, hate wouldn’t necessarily be the appropriate word here, if I could find a word that encapsulates “we clash an awful lot” that would be it, but at the same time I still love her.Displaying FullSizeRender.jpg<–pretty much our dilemma. i guess it’s because we are so alike, it’s crazy. She tries to say I’m not like her, but well. She often says “when someone says something or corrects you, why can’t you just keep your opinion to yourself and take what they’ve said and go” and I’m like. I remember this one time, I approached her like “mummy you don’t always have to, you know, pay mind to everything I do, you know, just calm down, you know, a little” (know how you insert a lot of’ you knows” and “likes” too cushion your statement and make friendlier the reception) but no, my “you knows and likes” didn’t do too much for me, as I will always remember the aftermath of that little piece of advice lol.

Anyway the grammy situation was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, it got me thinking, if my approach or mannerism always seem to cause a clash, doesn’t that mean I should change my tactic. But the Kanye in me once again started thinking why should I change for the situation, No the situation should change for me, or at least 50-50, “I won’t be marginalized, I won’t  be subverted.. blah blah” I’m an activist in that manner and I’m super outspoken and that can be mistaken sometimes for being a trouble maker, but honestly I’m the opposite, I love peace, I love solitude, I can be so carefree at times, generally just a fun person, I think. However, I just can’t condone certain things especially as pertaining certain social causes or you know things close to my heart, and like my threshold for ignorance is lower than whale poop(if you get that you’re a smart one, clap for yourself). But very importantly I must emphasize, I LOVE PEACE and generally being at peace with all. So, in that vein , I’m trying to change my system. If you’ve been told you can knock down a wall, and you’ve tried several times from the left and it doesn’t at least crack, then you might just want to try from the right. And that’s how I want to see it, I don’t want to see it as giving in under pressure or being the “weaker one”, because in truth, our minds are conditioned to want to always be right or have the last laugh and things like that. But I choose not to see it that way.

I want to start being more so a listener, than a trying to prove my point-er. I probably won’t master the art of just swallowing certain things immediately, it’ll probably take years but I mean. But this is not all the time now, sometimes I’m going to still have to speak up about certain things, but for the most part it’s more so a change of approach in dealing with certain situations. This generally applies to a lot of things, sometimes we don’t know, just changing our approach may save us so much stress and misery. Of late I’ve been a little more passive as regards things that would previously have required my unsolicited opinion. I’m just like . Just this morning i was able to avert something that ordinarily would have been another feud, by just holding in my opinion, and stating it at a better time, when it was less perilous. 

 And even on things like social Media, people just mastermind their own destruction at times, there are certain things....you just have to be wise. The other day,a little incident occurred, one of my home girls sent me a message, she was like, go on such and such’s page, the fellow is being roasted. And before I checked out what was going on, my first thoughts were “that’s not fair” etc. but when I actually checked it out, this individual actually built their own bonfire for the roasting. Honestly. 

Sometimes it’s a conscious effort to deal with people in wisdom, deal with certain situations in wisdom while other times it’s just 10 seconds to filter what comes out of your mouth.

Everything goes somewhere

Here is the thing, I’m not a big science person, actually I am but at the same time I’m not lol. Like sometimes I read all these scientific things and facts over the internet and stuff and I marvel, and I’m so stoked and I’m so interested and all that. But in the real sense of it, like when it comes to the academic part, no no no! not my thing. I remember last year I had to take psychology, it was super super interesting up until the biological part.

Anyway I’m at it again, I have to take eco this semester, and so far so good! I’m waiting for the chemistry aspect though, so I can just tell God “unto thy hands I commit my spirit” lol that’s a little too dramatic though, but you understand!

So yea, the last lecture we had in my ecology class was particularly interesting for me, I just knew I was going to have write about it. Somehow I’m on this self-discovery journey, well a lot of people are, I guess, just that most people do nothing with the information they gather while discovering. It was first a conscious effort to learn things I like, what’s the one thing I have or can do that sets me apart e.t.c, but more and more I’m realizing it’s the most common things, that I have taken for granted that are the most interesting things.

I’ve known for the longest time, that while studying I have to write everything I’m studying, not just pointers or like jottings for review, I have to almost reproduce the text book lol, but the thing is once I do that once, I don’t have to do it again maybe only quickly review some hours before a test. Like, beside complicated theories or hypothesis or things of that nature I write a story-like example, and most times I use real life events as illustrations, that way I remember faster and easier. You know how other people use acronyms, like BODMAS and the rest, I use stories.

However this ingenuity of mine only applies to my social science and philosophy or economics related classes. I was sitting by the pond the other day, Displaying IMG_5298.JPG(p.s this is my joint!!, my inspiration bank!)

and I thought to myself, “maybe that’s why you don’t like science, because you don’t know how the law of thermodynamics or the law of acceleration and the rest relate to your life” for example look at this – “Newton’s first law of motion – sometimes referred to as the law of inertia. An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” In no way, shape or form can I see how I can relate this to my everyday living.

But just because I can’t relate to it doesn’t mean it’s rubbish. Just, me personally I have to relate to something to find it interesting, it may not work that way for all human beings, I don’t know. However I have the most respect for people in the science field, where would the world be without them? We would probably still be using wooden boats to travel or something. I remember in high school we used to have all these heated debates on “science courses are better than arts courses” and “science courses are for the superior minded” or whatever lol. Everybody needs everybody period.

Low key I’ve strayed far away from my main focus lol.

So yea, this particular topic was interesting because 1) it was more understandable than usual lol and 2) i could relate it to life in general. The topic was the principles of ecology, there are quite a number of them, but I particularly connected with one principle, that being: EVERYTHING GOES SOMEWHERE. The principle is about how waste or smoke goes through a cycle and leads to complications in the future blah blah blah. Displaying FullSizeRender.jpg <—the note that sparked the thought!

I thought about when I say things carelessly. For instance, it’s a cold day out or the sky is looking grey and I randomly say “it’s looking like it’s going to be a terrible day” ask me 3 hours later I probably don’t remember I said that. But the fact that I don’t remember or I said it carelessly doesn’t nullify the potency of that statement, it disappears from sight or from memory, but is definitely still hanging there, somewhere in the atmosphere and may just manifest at the wrong time.

I do this thing, well I just started, where I speak things into the atmosphere. I say things like “nothing is going to upset me today” or “I’m not going to have too much sugar today” It seems dumb to just randomly say these things when its not in prayer, but just putting it out there randomly is almost as effectve, really! or maybe it works because I believe so much in what I’m saying, because sometimes its not so much the words but the belief backing the words being said.

And not even just words now, our thoughts also contribute to our becoming. A wise fellow once told me, “you think a certain way too long, you become what you think.’’ How do we get to thinking?  by what we see, what we read, what we feed our minds, what we surround ourselves with. People say surround yourself with who you want to be like or positive energy e.t.c. I’ve always thought of it as cliché and taken these things so lightly, up until recently.

Recently I had a little encounter with watching horror movies, for all my life I’ve avoided them because I don’t want to be afraid for no reason. However I said let me just start watching a few, I mean, other people watch it! how badly can it really affect me? big girls dont cry! lol. And before I knew what was happening it started working on my mind, everything started scaring me for real. In the bus or train or whatever if someone puts their hand in the pocket of their hoodie for too long, all the horrific scenes just rush into my mind, or if i’m home alone and I hear the door move!! Prior to this adventure of mine I never used to be unnecessarily alarmed, but I let into my system. One thinks after one has watched these things, that’s the end… but no! it goes into your subconscious and resides there, for some it may be having weird dreams afterwards, but for me it created unnecessary fear. Now if that’s your thing, I mean..Do you! But me.. I know myself, I don’t have the heart or time to habor such things in my system.

The same thing with food, with relationships, with literally everything. It’s just one of those cycles of life, nothing just comes out and disappears or goes in and disappears, it may leave your sight but out of sight doesn’t mean non existent!  Guard yourself carefully, you are the custodian, gatekeeper, bodyguard of yourself, be at alert what you let in and out of your mind and mouth because EVERYTHING GOES SOMEWHERE.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

It was a Saturday afternoon, say about 1o’clock, I had gone to school that day to drop some documents  the Registrar had asked me to bring, As always the line at the office was so long, I think I was number 47 or something, and they were only just attending to number 12, I knew it was about to be a long wait. So I brought out my phone and earpiece bracing myself for the boredom, after nearly 2 hours, it was my turn, i dropped what I needed to, and was headed out, on leaving the registrar’s office I bumped into a friend (well not really friend, a block mate, I had 2 classes with, so we were cordial) and she had just finished attending a seminar or was it workshop. Anyway she was headed home, I was headed home, we live close by each other, both our houses are a bit far from campus, so she suggested we commute together, I was like “yea, why not”. On leaving campus, I brought my phone out of my bag, and my battery was on like 1%, and I was expecting a super important call, so I had to apologize that I wouldn’t be able to leave now, I had to go back in and charge my phone, she was like okay okay, I’ll just go ahead and stuff, we said our good byes and left each other. So I went back in charged my phone, and about an hour or so later, headed home.

Now it’s Wednesday the following week, I get to class and everybody is looking gloomy and blue and in my mind I’m like what’s going on, but being who I am, I just carrying on listening to my music and playing candy crush until the professor arrives. The professor comes in, connects her laptop with the projector and all of a sudden, on the screen I see RIP Aaliyah, in my mind I’m thinking wait, “Aaliyah died like 15 years ago, and I don’t think she died in December and, how does this even relate with the class.” On the next slide, I see the picture of the girl I was supposed to commute with on Saturday. At this point I’m just totally shocked. After the little tribute, lecture commenced and stuff. For the whole day I wasn’t myself. It was just so shocking. I had literally seen her 4 days ago, hale and hearty. Anyway I had got to find out by the end of the day,(because of course, that was the trending topic on campus)  that she had been attacked on her way home on Saturday and she had been terribly injured, had been rushed to the hospital, was on life support for some days, and had unfortunately passed away that morning.

Of course, I had the regular human thoughts of it could have been me and the rest, and I felt really sad she had gone so soon. Even though I didn’t know her too well, the few times we had conversed, she was so sweet.  I also became more grateful for life, You know how in your morning prayers, you say a little “thank you Lord for waking me up e.t.c”, but for that whole week I became so much more extra with it, “thank you lord for the skies, for the cirrus clouds, for the stratus clouds, for the cumulus clouds, thank you for the flour that was used to bake the bread I’ll eat this morning, thank you for the farmers who picked the rice I’ll eat for lunch, thank you for the engineers that work at Toyota and produce cars for us to get to our destination everyday” lool I was so extra!

Anyway I’m sure y’all think I’m about to school you on “cherishing everyday”, “you never know when it’s your last day”, “live your life to the fullest”, BUT NO! you already know that I’ll assume. Rather I’d like to focus on how TIMING IS EVERYTHING!!!

It may be danger waiting on the road, and you staying back just 10 minutes, may spare you a whole lot of calamity. Likewise, you may have the brightest, most life changing, extraordinary idea, but if executed at the wrong time, it would bring about nothing but a mediocre result. We’re usually in a hurry to get things done and are so overzealous, with sayings like “time is money”, ”opportunity comes but once” we want everything done now, pronto, which isn’t always the best option unlike we’ve been taught to believe. You know how if you have a great tweet, powerful stuff, you’ve been thinking about it a couple of hours now, been structuring and restructuring  it to be short enough to make the 140 characters limit yet catchy enough to hit the people like a tsunami, but you post it by like…7am… you damn sure ain’t getting no love with the retweets or favorites.. haaa! It’s the same thing with life or certain decisions or ventures or things we want.

For instance, imagine I had one of those portable phone chargers, I wouldn’t need to go back in to charge my phone, and I would have probably been on that same journey, and who knows..

Funny how I had been thinking of getting one of those mouse pad charger things, but somehow I just didn’t have time, and when I’d think about it I’d beat myself up like “why don’t  I have this yet, I need to get one already” but now that i think of it in retrospect, the time I was fussing over it definitely wasn’t the right time to get it, I’m more than thankful I didn’t have it. If someone had told me 2 weeks prior to this event “don’t get it” I’ll be like “so long as I can afford it why shouldn’t I get it?” But in due time one comes to the realization, certain things don’t work out when we’d like, for greater things to fall into place at a better time. Sometimes knowing the right time is even beyond our human ability, we must just learn to be sensitive and not always too pushy even when all the signs say stop.

Now I’m not saying be complacent or don’t be persistent and perseverant about certain things, I’m just saying, if you need to force it and force it, maybe you should let it go for a little bit, and if need still be, then you can come back to it. Moreover, sometimes certain things take process, especially with regards to us as human beings, sometimes we need to develop, grow, and sometimes even make some mistakes before it’s the right time. Also in like a business venture or something, being a “doer” isn’t always the way forward, contrary to popular belief. Sometimes we need to observe the field we’re trying to venture into, strategize properly and organize before we take action.

If in March I’m joking around with a friend, saying some “yo momma” jokes, it’s funny and acceptable, then his “momma” passes on in April, and I see this same friend in May and in the bid to cheer him up say those same “yo momma” jokes, not only would it be ridiculous and insensitive, it would be a major case of doing the right thing at the wrong time .. yea! So that’s the thing… TIMING IS EVERYTHING!