Hey y’all!.. I don’t even know how to start anymore! Damn.. I’ve been away for a little too long. This is the part where I make excuses and say “I’ve been über busy” but in all honesty its more so I’ve been über lazy. However I’m back with a very interesting personal story.
T’was the day of the grammys, I had been anticipating it for a while, just cause I love most things music-related. I was actually sleeping before it started but I had set my alarm to wake me up like 10 mins before the red carpet, so I could watch and keep up with everything live. Anyway so yea, I woke up, went downstairs (so I could watch it on the bigger tv) with my “equipments” (laptop, phone etc.)… Long story short my mum came down, first complaint, it’s too loud, fine, I reduced the volume. Second complaint… honestly I don’t remember, but it was something petty. There were third and fourth and I think fifth complaints as well. But I took them all in good faith. I knew she was trying to get me to go watch it elsewhere because she wanted to watch Amanpour on CNN. And I was like this is the one time, or in factual terms one of the few times I come down to watch the “communal” television. Why can’t I watch in peace (p.s these were thoughts, communicating those thoughts in that manner may have earned me a slap or two so they remained thoughts). Anyway she just kept complaining about irrelevant things to get under my skin. Eventually she did what she had originally intended to do, put off the television, so I would leave. Actually now that I think about it, I could actually have just taken the cue earlier and just relocated, but the activist in me won’t let me stand up and go. Anyway after she turned off the tv I started to murmur, but at the same time packing up my stuff and moving, then just as I was on the third or fourth step of the staircase, going up to continue my viewing of the show, she threw a low blow, very sly comment, a little too deep considering the situation at hand was just a tv show, and a little unnecessary seeing as she had already gotten what she wanted, lo the Kanye in me burst forth, I just had to speak lol, so I made a comment, which in hindsight could have been done without, it wasn’t directly rude, it was more so subliminal I didn’t even think she’ll catch it, but she did, and by the time she had, and had gathered enough momentum, you know, the “oh hell nawww” moment, I had ran to my room, shut the door, windows , everything, shielded myself from attack. Anyway I knew I had declared war. In short, she was really angry, and you know, the issue escalated way way out of proportion. An issue that could have easily been avoided.
That’s just one of the very many “my mother & I” stories. I can’t really say it’s a love-hate relationship but it sort of is, hate wouldn’t necessarily be the appropriate word here, if I could find a word that encapsulates “we clash an awful lot” that would be it, but at the same time I still love her.<–pretty much our dilemma. i guess it’s because we are so alike, it’s crazy. She tries to say I’m not like her, but well. She often says “when someone says something or corrects you, why can’t you just keep your opinion to yourself and take what they’ve said and go” and I’m like. I remember this one time, I approached her like “mummy you don’t always have to, you know, pay mind to everything I do, you know, just calm down, you know, a little” (know how you insert a lot of’ you knows” and “likes” too cushion your statement and make friendlier the reception) but no, my “you knows and likes” didn’t do too much for me, as I will always remember the aftermath of that little piece of advice lol.
Anyway the grammy situation was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, it got me thinking, if my approach or mannerism always seem to cause a clash, doesn’t that mean I should change my tactic. But the Kanye in me once again started thinking why should I change for the situation, No the situation should change for me, or at least 50-50, “I won’t be marginalized, I won’t be subverted.. blah blah” I’m an activist in that manner and I’m super outspoken and that can be mistaken sometimes for being a trouble maker, but honestly I’m the opposite, I love peace, I love solitude, I can be so carefree at times, generally just a fun person, I think. However, I just can’t condone certain things especially as pertaining certain social causes or you know things close to my heart, and like my threshold for ignorance is lower than whale poop(if you get that you’re a smart one, clap for yourself). But very importantly I must emphasize, I LOVE PEACE and generally being at peace with all. So, in that vein , I’m trying to change my system. If you’ve been told you can knock down a wall, and you’ve tried several times from the left and it doesn’t at least crack, then you might just want to try from the right. And that’s how I want to see it, I don’t want to see it as giving in under pressure or being the “weaker one”, because in truth, our minds are conditioned to want to always be right or have the last laugh and things like that. But I choose not to see it that way.
I want to start being more so a listener, than a trying to prove my point-er. I probably won’t master the art of just swallowing certain things immediately, it’ll probably take years but I mean. But this is not all the time now, sometimes I’m going to still have to speak up about certain things, but for the most part it’s more so a change of approach in dealing with certain situations. This generally applies to a lot of things, sometimes we don’t know, just changing our approach may save us so much stress and misery. Of late I’ve been a little more passive as regards things that would previously have required my unsolicited opinion. I’m just like . Just this morning i was able to avert something that ordinarily would have been another feud, by just holding in my opinion, and stating it at a better time, when it was less perilous.
And even on things like social Media, people just mastermind their own destruction at times, there are certain things....you just have to be wise. The other day,a little incident occurred, one of my home girls sent me a message, she was like, go on such and such’s page, the fellow is being roasted. And before I checked out what was going on, my first thoughts were “that’s not fair” etc. but when I actually checked it out, this individual actually built their own bonfire for the roasting. Honestly.
Sometimes it’s a conscious effort to deal with people in wisdom, deal with certain situations in wisdom while other times it’s just 10 seconds to filter what comes out of your mouth.